Begin Again
by infamousnalani
Summary: She swore that he was with her everywhere she went, but perhaps a part of him had always been with her since he left. Now she's being put into a role she wasn't sure she was ready to become: a mother. Pre RotJ, slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

She was awoken from her sleep by a sharp pain in her left calf that caused her to roll onto her stomach to release her screams into her pillow. She had never been one that was easily affected by pain, but the leg cramps had been striking her more frequently, especially as she slept. Additionally, she had been finding it more difficult to distinguish between physical pain and emotional pain.

Whenever Leia was missing him she enjoyed recalling their arrival in Cloud City, particularly Han's evident jealousy when Lando had attempted half-hearted advances upon her. She had been wound up the whole trip and finally snapped when Han had stated separate quarters wouldn't be necessary and proceeded to escort her back to the room Lando had provided for them. He had barely been able to mutter an apology regarding his haste when she had thrown her arms around his neck and brought his lips down to hers, feeling her pent up energy beginning to drain as she exerted herself.

She had awoken in the dead of the night, trembling from her violent sobs. Han had jolted awake beside her and pulled her to him, stroking her hair to console her. Despite his reassurance, nothing would convince her that something disastrous was not going to occur the next day. Leia had finally fallen back asleep to the consistent sound of his heartbeat, her head on his bare chest.

Alas her superstitions had proved themselves to be credible and in less than twenty-four hours her life had been dismantled, piece by piece.

Approximately six weeks had passed since they had arrived at Home One, yet something still didn't seem right to Leia. She had been laying in her bed willing her stomachache away when there was a knock on her door. When she failed to answer, light flooded into her dark room as Luke gently pushed the door open and closed it behind him.

"Hi Leia," he walked over to her bed. "Sorry to wake you. How are you feeling?" The change in the young woman's personality had not gone unnoticed by Alliance executives, and her need to excuse herself from conversations about a certain Captain had become standard dinner conversation amongst the troops. It was not unusual to find Leia's chair in the command center vacant and her sleeping away the day.

"I've been better." Leia rolled over and looked at her alarm for the time, 12:36 AM standard time. She sighed and draped her hand across her stomach in an attempt to ease the tension.

"Leia," he started, "You need to go to the med bay."

"Luke, you know I don't like it there."

"Come on, I'll go with you."

Had she not been pained with nausea for the past week, she may have resisted when he pulled her into his arms and walked into the bright hallway.

He had checked her into the med bay and proceeded to lay her down on one of the empty beds in a dimmed room. Luke then pulled a chair over to her bedside and politely requested a human nurse for Leia, knowing her aversion towards medical droids. Leia had curled into the fetal position and was looking up at Luke, a hint of sadness in her coffee eyes.

"What is it?"

"I miss him." He had taken her hand in his and waited for her to continue as she contemplated her next words. "I feel him with me everywhere I go."

"I know, Leia," he squeezed her hand. "Me too."


	2. Chapter 2

Before I begin the second chapter I would like to say thank you to everyone who has followed! The story hasn't even been up for twenty four hours and it already has ten follows, which is insane to me and made me very happy when I woke up. Also, thank you to IArdentlyKnow and AgnesEldridge for reviewing, your comments made me smile. Thank you and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the story!

* * *

Leia stared at the plastic bracelet that was currently loosely dangling on her wrist. About half an hour prior she had asked for a pair of socks, as she was susceptible to cold, but the nurse had not yet returned. Her room looked out into the vast openness of space and Leia allowed her mind to drift. Whenever she had found herself at a viewing pane she liked to look out and try to pinpoint Han's location. Chewbacca and Lando had reported less than a week from their departure that they had tracked Slave I to Tattooine, the issue was infiltrating the Palace without Jabba realizing their intentions. To her dismay, Home One was not anywhere near the outer rim.

Luke had left at about an hour after admitting her after Leia insisted that he leave to get some well-deserved sleep. He had made an effort to check in on her every day since Bespin which was a kind notion, but rather annoying at times when she sought solitude. Eventually the nurse returned with a pair of grey crew socks, which Leia slid onto her feet contentedly, and a datapad in her hands that presumably contained the results of her tests.

"Alright, Princess. We screened you for bacterial and viral infections and the results came back negative." This had seemed to be good news, but Leia listened cautiously to the rest of what the brunette woman had to say. "You mentioned that you've been feeling nauseous and have been having leg cramps?" Leia nodded her head yes. "What time does this usually occur?"

"It really doesn't have a set pattern." She considered the question more carefully and added, "but sometimes the symptoms flare up at night."

"I see. Have you had any vivid dreams, sleeplessness or exhaustion, or any aches or pains?" Leia had nodded her head yes, assuming the nurse would interpret it however was most important. "May I ask when your last cycle was?"

Suddenly Leia's head began spinning, the room around her becoming increasingly fluid as she recognized everything coming together. Her mind flashed back to the night on Bespin, how her hair pooled around her on the sheets that were marked with Han's cologne, the memory of which was so strong, she could almost smell it now. Her thoughts then jumped ahead to missing her period and assuming it was due to her emotional distress. Her irritability levels spiked and the nausea had become more frequent over the past week. Leia closed her eyes and laid back against the bed slowly.

"I'm pregnant."

"We cannot be certain until we do bloodwork, Princess, but it appears that you have a little Organa on the way."

"Solo," Leia whispered.

"I'm sorry?"

"I want it to have their father's name."

The nurse smiled politely and nodded. "If you will excuse me, Princess, I am going to go get the collection tubes for the bloodwork."

"Wait," Leia called out after her. She hesitated in her nervous state, her eyes pleading with the nurse. "Are you going to tell anyone?" She asked, her voice barely audible.

The older woman squeezed Leia's hand. "No, dear. I am sworn to confidentiality per Alliance regulation. Also you look like you need some of the focus taken off of you." She had turned her back to leave once more, but was stopped by Leia one more time.

"Miss," Her eyes shifted across the room. "Thank you."

"Any time, Princess."

* * *

Leia had fallen asleep not too long after the nurse had left her room, resulting in her bloodwork being postponed until she was fully conscious to consent to treatment.

Rieekan had visited her before breakfast after Luke had informed him of her whereabouts. He had been concerned for her health but had made it a statement for the rest of the executives to leave Leia be so she could have the chance for closure. This particular measure was directed solely towards Mon Mothma, who, without fail, would have given Leia an unsolicited lecture about distractions. If it were all the same to her, Leia preferred her distractions with scruffy hair and warm eyes. To her dismay, it looked as if Rieekan was preparing to give her a lecture of his own.

"Leia, I've been meaning to speak with you about this for quite some time and I'm genuinely sorry for postponing it for so long." Whatever it was that he was going to say, she didn't have much interest in hearing it. "I have proposed to the board for you to be allowed to embark on Captain Solo's rescue mission when the time comes."

Leia's heart caught in her throat. "What?" She inquired, barely masking the excitement.

"I have discussed it with the others and they agree it would be most beneficial for you to oversee the mission."

"Even Mon?"

"Even Mon; though she was reluctant to give her approval."

Leia had laughed at his admission and threw her arms around his neck gratefully. "Thank you, Carlist."

"Off the record, Leia, I am worried for you but I know you won't focus unless you have him back. Be safe, please."

Rieekan stood to leave and Leia watched him until he was no longer in her line of sight. When it seemed that no one was around, she wrapped her arms around herself and allowed a genuine smile for the first time in a long time. Looking down at her abdomen, she felt a bit of uncertainty rise in her chest but decided she would take it day by day. Leia strode over to the window, wanting to play her favorite game. _Eventually_ , she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Mon Mothma had made her presence known by clearing her throat once she entered the room. Startled, Leia jumped back from the viewing pane and attempted to regain her composure.

"Good morning, Leia. I've come to discuss your absences at official Alliance meetings."

Leia, already becoming defensive, turned back to the window and fixated her attention on a distant planet. "Is there anything wrong?"

"To be completely honest, Leia, yes. There is." Her voice was stern and unwavering, signifying to Leia that there was going to be a confrontation soon, which was something that she didn't handle well. "You have missed critical strategical meetings all because of what," she was fumbling for the correct words. "A boy? Bail Organa would not have had this nonsense; he did not raise you with a fire in your stomach so you could dwindle to ashes about losing a man."

Leia lowered her head and closed her eyes while attempting to focus on her breathing. "Stop," she whispered.

"You cannot refrain from your obligations, Leia, you know that. I have permitted your truancy on many occasions but I am putting my foot down. You are not to miss further executive meetings until Captain Solo is to be rescued. Surely you can understand why I must do this?" Leia sluggishly nodded her head yes, which seemed to please the older woman that was refraining from passing through the doorway. "Excellent. Now come on, dear. I'll tell the front desk that it's alright to discharge you early. You must be feeling better now that you've heard that you're going to oversee the rescue mission."

Leia stood motionless at the window and turned to look apprehensively at Mon Mothma. "I can't, the nurse said I need to have bloodwork done to confirm my wellbeing."

"I see," she stated emotionlessly. She studied Leia's face for a while and drew her own conclusions. Suddenly, Mon Mothma had stormed towards Leia, a look mixed with terror and distaste revealed her innermost feelings. "Do _not_ tell me what I am thinking is true." Leia made no comment and returned her attention to space. "How _dare_ you? Your father would be so ashamed. You have jeopardized the entire organization with your foolishness. How are you going to provide for a child at your age, or your occupation, or without its father? How could you have let him take advantage of you? He doesn't love you, Leia, he was only after your status."

Leia had allowed her to degrade her many times before, but her remarks had never cut her as deeply as they had just then. Feeling her temper rising, Leia turned on her heel to address her. "Precisely which status, Mon? Lone royal survivor of a planet that doesn't exist anymore? Or how about an executive member of an illegal, under-funded organization that is struggling to keep its head above water? Please let me know which one you believe Captain Solo was thirsty to brag to his friends about 'conquering'."

Mon Mothma stormed out indignantly, the ends of her white dress casting shadows upon the medbay walls.

* * *

The command center's dining center had been bustling with troops and officers alike that were busy either eating or waiting in line for breakfast. Chattering could be heard from down the hall as people conversed about the latest gossip and developing missions or battle strategies. Rieekan had just sat down next to the other officers when Mon Mothma entered the dining center and strode up to him. Taking a bite of his cereal, he attempted to avoid her gaze as if it would make her disappear.

"Carlist," she towered over his sitting form. He ignored her and ate another spoonful of his breakfast. "Carlist could I talk to you alone for a moment?"

"Mon I currently do not have the time or patience so please make this easier on me and just tell me now." He rubbed his forehead in frustration and set down his spoon.

"Sir, I really don't think it's in anyone's best interest," she growled through clenched teeth. Mothma was met with a blank stare that expressed he was not amused. "One of our young ladies is pregnant, and you'd do well to figure out who it is since you insist on being so stubborn." With that, she proceeded to head over to the fruit bar to make her customary yogurt with berries and then left to eat in the conference room.

Unbeknownst to her, the room had grown quiet at her revelation and hushed murmurs floated around the room as the women in the Rebellion inspected their comrades, none of which seemed to be eating for two. It didn't take long for someone to mention Leia's abnormal behavior, at which the dining center roared with conversation. Rieekan swallowed hard and got up from his seat, making his way back to the medbay for the second time that morning.


	4. Chapter 4

Rieekan had intercepted Leia as she was making her way towards the dining center.

"Leia, was there something you forgot to tell me when I was visiting you earlier?" She looked down at her feet, humiliated. He sighed and pulled her into an embrace. "It's his, isn't it?" He felt her head move up and down in affirmation against his chest, though his suspicions didn't exactly require any confirmation. "You're fine, everything's going to be alright. I know you're probably frightened, it's a frightening universe out there," he paused and allowed her the opportunity to break the embrace but she remained clutched to his Alliance vest. "but if I've learned anything about you, it's that you're stronger than you know, Leia."

"What would my father think?" She inquired sheepishly.

"I knew your father for a long time, Leia. I know he would be proud of the young woman you've become; I doubt anything would change his opinion of you."

Leia retreated from his embrace and leaned against the wall for support. "Thank you… I needed to hear that."

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you going to do?"

She sighed and slid down the wall into a seating position and rested her head in her hands. "Sleep. Eat. Hope I don't swell like a balloon." Rieekan laughed and sat down on the hallway floor next to her.

"You're tiny, that won't even be a problem." He smiled at her, "What are you hoping for?"

"I haven't really given it much thought," she replied, looking up from her hands. "If it's a girl, she's going to be spoiled rotten; Han would never admit it but he's a softie deep down inside. And a boy…" she trailed off. "I'm sure would be a mini-Han, and if I thought one was a handful, I don't know how I will manage his smart remarks combined with my stubbornness."

"So you've got your hands full either way." Rieekan laughed but then adopted a more serious tone. "I know you though, you're going to take one look at that child and fall so in love that you're going to forget having ever felt this way. And then they're going to do something that scares you out of your wits."

"And I'll blame it on Han's genes."

He laughed at her comment and stood up. "You've already learned the golden rule of parenting."

* * *

Luke had woken up later than usual due to staying with Leia for so long and was making his way to the dining hall towards the last half hour of service. To his surprise, it had been busier than expected and he had to fight his way through a crowd to head over to the omelet bar. He smiled politely at the droid once his breakfast was ready and grabbed a bagel before making his way over to his customary table.

"Luke, did you hear Leia's knocked up?" Wedge had asked in lieu of a greeting.

"What?"

"Mothma just came storming in here and practically shouted it," Janson added. "I don't know if I believe anything that woman says but Leia's been acting weird recently. You can't say it doesn't add up."

Luke nodded and looked at his bagel uninterestedly. "You don't think she'd have kept that a secret from me, do you?" He looked around the table at the guys but didn't receive a reply. "That's huge- I mean, if it's true. I just thought we were closer than that."

"Are we sure this is even somewhat true? I mean, this is Leia we're talking about. The last thing we knew before we evacuated Hoth was that Han had to take her to the rendezvous." Hobbie inquired.

"Guess they had a rendezvous of their own." Wedge sniggered.

"Hey would you cut it out?" Luke objected, becoming increasing more upset at his friend's comments. "She's like a sister to me, I don't appreciate it. This whole thing hasn't been easy for her, you know." He sighed and took a bite of his omelet.

"I'm sorry, man. I need to get going but check in on her for me please. All jokes aside, I'm worried for her." He and the others got up, leaving Luke to finish his breakfast alone with his thoughts.

Leia had entered the dining center as the others were leaving. She wasn't entirely hungry but decided she would grab a piece of fruit for later in the day and fill her water bottle. She wanted to compensate for the six weeks she hadn't realized she was responsible for another life. She was making her way over to Luke when the conversation of the two women walking in front of her caught her attention.

"Did you hear about the princess?"

"Yeah, she got screwed."

"Sophia!"

"Screwed over, calm yourself."

"I guess she finally got that kiss."

Leia hurried past them, taking note of their audible gasps. Her chocolate eyes were stinging with tears that she was resisting as she did not wish to be seen crying in front of the entire Alliance. She sat down next Luke and leaned her head against his shoulder, one of her braided buns at the base of her neck was uncomfortable as it pressed into her head.

"Why do I always seem to be everyone's favorite topic of discussion?" He didn't have an answer for her, so he sat silently in her presence. "People have gawked at me for the past three years as if I'm in some holodrama, but heaven forbid I actually am human and have emotions."

"You'll always be somewhat impalpable to them."

Leia sighed. "I know, I just wish every move I made wasn't being scrutinized."

"Is it true?" He blurted out. "I'm sorry, I've just heard things and I didn't want to assume anything."

"It is," she paused in thought. "You know what I said last night, about missing Han? I suppose I've always had a part of him with me."

Luke's face lit up with realization, "Leia, that's it. That's why I could feel him with us, through the Force."

Leia smiled sadly at him. "Then how come I can feel him?"

He smiled back sorrowfully, unsure on how to answer her.


	5. Chapter 5

I just want to say thanks for reviewing and following! You guys are awesome. :) Hope you aren't too upset with me for rewriting a bit of RotJ… for the purpose of the story it can't exactly play out the same as in the film. Also there have been subtle hints at Leia's ability to use the Force, she just doesn't know that's what it is. ;)

* * *

Three months had passed since Leia had discovered she was going to be a mother and she had managed to keep herself busy for the better half of it. She managed her time between her mandatory meetings, planning Han's rescue with Luke, Chewie, and Lando, sleeping, resisting odd food cravings, and obsessing over her health. She had always been a perfectionist, but she was determined to ensure this child would be born with only ten fingers and ten toes.

Due to financial restrictions, the Alliance was only able to enlist the knowledge of a midwife droid which wasn't Leia's first choice, but she was willing to compromise. Her prenatal care had consisted of a daily vitamin, eating healthy, maintaining minimal stress, and attending monthly assessments. Naturally, everything had come easy to her except keeping her stress levels low.

Chewie and Lando's efforts to rescue Han had not been in vain, as Luke had decided the ideal time for the mission would be approaching soon. It had been decided that Chewie would return to Home One to acquire Luke and Leia. Leia would then remain with the Falcon once they were on Tattooine, and Luke would offer Jabba credits for Han's release. If all else failed, they'd take Han and set fire to the Palace.

When the day had finally arrived less than a week later, she approached the ramp of the Millennium Falcon with her heart in her throat. She hugged Chewbacca and proceeded to take her place behind the pilot's seat in the cockpit, Luke and Chewie in front of her. She had felt a fluttering in her stomach but presumed it to be nerves until she had felt it again, only this time much more intense than before.

"Luke, something's wrong."

"What is it?" He had turned around and stared at her inquisitively.

"Something doesn't feel right; I keep feeling something in my stomach." Chewbacca had laughed from the seat in front of her, startling and baffling her all at once. He let out a lighthearted growl.

"She's what?" Luke looked from the Wookiee to his friend.

She didn't answer him, but rather placed her hand over her enlarged abdomen and sought another fluttering sensation. She flinched slightly when she felt it but ultimately broke out into a smile as the feeling became more frequent. "He's kicking."

"I thought you said you didn't want to find the gender out?"

"I didn't… I just have a feeling."

* * *

She had been waiting impatiently in various areas of the ship but had conclusively wound up in Han's bedroom. To her pleasure, nothing had changed since the last night she had slept in his bed. Leia walked around and admired his belongings, careful not to touch anything should Han need to find something. When she had approached his dresser she hesitated before grabbing a white shirt of his from the top drawer and pulled it on over her head. The last time she had worn a shirt of his, he had made the comment that the color white no longer suited her after what they had done the night prior and though she had been mortified at his smirk at the time, she now recalled the moment with a smirk of her own. To say she had missed him would be an understatement.

The sound of the Falcon's ramp being lowered snapped her out of her thoughts and she rushed into the main hold to meet the boys when they entered. The door lifted to reveal four bodies, one of which she hadn't been in the presence of for the better half of a year. Her voice caught and she reacted the only way she saw fit: running into his arms.

She led him back to his quarters, ensuring they were taking it slowly as he was leaning quite heavily upon her, relying on her for support. Leia locked the door behind them and guided Han towards the foot of his bed, taking in the sight in front of her. His eyes remained lazily inactive due to his lack of vision and his hair was still partially damp from the melting process and his hands were dirty from falling to the floor. Leia grabbed his scabrous hands in her own miniscule ones, still in disbelief that he was finally tangible again. They sat in comfortable silence until Han spoke.

"Is something wrong?"

Leia smiled, though she realized that Han couldn't see it, "I missed you."

"So that's what it takes to get you to be nice to me," He said, the corner of his mouth shifting into his signature smirk. "I just need to leave for…" the playfulness in his voice suddenly ceased and was replaced by seriousness. "Leia, how long was I in there for?"

She couldn't meet his gaze. "Six months."

She had become worried when he didn't respond but her tension was eased when he attempted to smile. "Better now than never, huh?"

The phrase had resonated with her and her soul ached to share with him what she had experienced whilst on her own. "Han, do you remember our last night together?"

"Sweetheart believe me when I say that I think about it often."

"While that does not surprise me in the least, I need you to stay focused." Leia made an effort to calm herself, for Han's sake more than hers. "Do you remember how I said something didn't feel right?"

"You didn't seem to be complain-" Despite not being able to see the look on Leia's face, habit had told him that he was on the wrong end of an unamused one. "Yes."

"Well," she toyed with her index finger and continued nonchalantly, "how would you possibly feel about a little me or you running around?"

"Leia," he drawled. "Are you serious?" His face broke out into a grin, his voice laced with disbelief. "A baby."

"A baby." She echoed.

The Falcon lurched to life and began its ascension from the Tattooine terrain. The two lost their balance and fell onto his bed, laughing as they landed with a thud. Han pulled Leia to him and encircled his arms around her. They had remained mute, enjoying each other's' company.

"Leia,"

"Mm Hmm?"

"Is that my shirt?"

Leia pulled away enough to look him in the eyes, which seemed to be becoming more responsive. "First the tight pants, and now you can recognize your shirt with minimal eyesight? Are we sure you're interested in women?"

"Only those interested in scoundrels."

"How convenient," she rolled her eyes and kissed him before resting her head upon his shoulder.

* * *

Fear not! This is not the end. :) I intend on taking the story a bit further, I just wanted Han in the mix!


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